22 September 2008

Looking for the Funny

There is a lot going on right now. My sister gets married Friday, so that means a full week of preparation and gatherings AND my husband is out of town all week for state training for his new job. So, despite having gotten the requested time off for the wedding, last Thursday he was told he couldn't go. Frustrating, to say the least. But I decided to instead use this blog to relate some of the "funnier" things that happen to you while pregnant (which many of you already know and completely understand).

First, my health has suddenly become everyone else's concern. Rarely can I order a coffee without the barrista asking me if I want that decaf. (If I wanted decaf, I would ask for decaf!) Generally, I reply with, "No, I want the caffeine and so does the baby." They never know what to say to that.

And at the post office last week a postal worker told me, "Now, don't work too hard. You need to take it easy." Huh? How does she know what I do and don't do and what I can and can't do?!?! But the worst was when I walked away from the window and she yelled at me (with other customers present), "Waddle, waddle!" Gee, thanks. As if I am not aware of just how pregnant and ridiculous I look right now!

The lady at the grocery store asked me if I was feeling okay, as does everyone. This question I find particularly humorous. They want me to say "Yes, I am feeling quite well. Thank you." But let's get real: I am carrying an already six pound child plus all the other "amenities" on my front side, have feet so bloated I can't move my toes, heartburn that doesn't go away even if I sleep standing up, my lower back is killing me on a regular basis, I haven't slept for more than 1.5 consecutive hours in over a month and would give anything to not have to use the bathroom every ten minutes. Not to mention the "bundle of joy" that is inside me likes to drive a foot up under my right ribcage or knock a fist into an ovary. These are NOT pleasant feelings! So, the real answer to "How are you feeling?" is actually, "Pretty crappy, thank you."

AND I am amazed at how many people are terrified of the "pregnant woman." At Meijer I routinely have people quickly move out of my way and apologize, despite the fact that generally I am in their way. I am not sure if they are afraid of the huge belly or the fact that I have an almost perma-weary look on my face, one that would suggest to them that I might just "snap" at any moment. (Which, sadly, does sometimes happen but I call this crazy person who emerges Psycho Pregnant Woman. She's not me. She's an evil twin.)

Now there are some perks: I often have MULTIPLE doors being held open for me. Of course, that could be because I can't fit through just one door anymore. And at some places (the ones that God must like the most) they have pregnant woman parking spaces. These, I love. Every step I take is now like running a 5k. So, even just a ten yard walk into a store is like . . . Well, you get the idea.

And I can be UNintentionally rude to people and totally get away with it. For example: I was at one of my favorite craft stores and was waiting in line to make a purchase. There was an elderly woman in front of me who was finishing up her transaction. After she was done she just stood there like she was waiting for something. Finally she gently poked me and said, "May I have my cane, please?" I was standing right over her cane and had NO CLUE that it was hiding under my pregnant belly!

Now, I don't know about being intentionally rude to people. I haven't tried that one yet. YET being the operative word. Depending on how much longer I'm pregnant I may be willing to experiment.

And so, while these little stories are all told in genuine jest, it does give you something to think about the next time you see that hugely pregnant woman out shopping. (And, really, I am thankful that so many people do care. I need that daily positive stimulation to keep me going until the end of this pregnancy.)


babystephanie said...

You make me laugh!!
That lady had guts to make a waddle comment to a stranger. lol

Lindsey said...

I can't BELIEVE someone would say that (waddle) to a pregnant lady they don't even KNOW! Jeeze... ya should "waddled" right back to her and slugged her! lol